Sitting there in my comfortable room one evening, I was poised there with tears trickling down my face, as I listened to Desperado by The Eagles, I had decided to change my life. I had realised that, as in the song, I did indeed have to “Come to my senses.” I made the fateful decision to get serious about dating.
The last guy I dated before the narcissist was actually really nice but I had thought we were no longer a couple, as i had heard nothing from him in a couple of months. He had told me that he would be studying but hearing nothing for so long, I had assumed it was over. I was wrong as it turned out-more of that later.
I had been teaching, saving money and then travelling. I was definitely restless. The big event which I believe may have made me more vulnerable than usual was the death of my grandmother. We had been really close and I had adored her. (Even now I have a small picture of my grandmother by my bed.)
The bar at the dance had been unusually busy. We were standing in a line, in a very English way, waiting for a drink and I had started talking to a guy I knew. The guy standing with him, had soon begun to hold a particular fascination for me. I had discovered he was Australian and having not long returned from Australia myself, I was keen to talk about my trip. To be honest at that time, he had appeared quite distant. When I think about it now, I feel that he had not initially believed I would be good supply. Perhaps he detected that I would be quite hard work, which is perfectly true.
My experiences of travelling had left me independent-minded and something of a free spirit, so I was not a girl, who had danced around her handbag. I was more than happy to dance on my own. I was actually in the middle of a group , when he had appeared smiling and had begun to “strut his stuff” on the dance floor. I had thought he was hilarious. Naively I had assumed I had found another “free spirit”. He did seem a bit in love with himself, even then but I had had no idea of any possible danger. I was strong. I was independent. I had a career, many friends and I had always had a strong sense of self. I had had no reason to believe I would attract a predator, although I now believe he was not the first.We had a great time and I had felt an instant connection. He had seemed to share my quirky sense of humour and fun. Soon he had asked for my number, which I had not been able to recall, as I had only recently moved in. He had instead, given me his. He had given me his home number, his work number, his address etc etc. I had never had a guy give me so much information. Conversation was easy between us. Actually it often was, even towards the end. A few weeks before our split, some woman had actually commented to us, how comfortable and relaxed we had appeared. The irony had really struck me because by that stage, he had not been the only one putting on an act, although my motives had been different.
I have learned much about myself through all this. I had always had many male friends. I was relieved to find somebody, who like me enjoyed friendships with members of the opposite sex. I realise now he had his own personal harem. In fact I now believe he had deliberately paraded me in front of at least one woman(married) with whom he was having an affair. (More of that later..)
I had waited almost a week before calling him. We had soon excitedly organised our first date.