When I started my blog, my goal was to help others experiencing toxic abuse, the same way I had been helped. However I am now reassessing this.
Fortunately I have always refused fo get involved in Facebook but I recognise Facebook is not the only platcorm with these issues
The Dark Side of Social Media
Yesterday I thought I had picked up a bargain. I was really pleased with myself. I got it home and did my research then sadly concluded it was a total fake. I was angry and upset with myself for the total waste of money. Using my imagination, I had then sought constructive ways to salvage my mistake. Sadly every time I view it, it now screams (metaphorically) ,
at me. Why?
Why am I so bothered by my innocent error?Why can I not just simply have fun with my purchase, regardless of its origin?
Unfortunately it is not the first time, I have fallen for a fake. Last time I was taken in by something fake, it was a fake relationship, which had cost me my freedom and had almost taken my identity. This time, at least I had recognised it. This time I had done my research and realised that it was not authentic, before the price was too high. Yes I could still use it (my purchase). It is still quite nice yet simply glancing towards it , somehow gives me a lurch in my stomach. The last time I tried to make the best of something fake, I had eventually let myself be convinced the fake was real. This time I am shrugging my shoulders, ignoring any short term loss I might experience and throwing it out.
How one ex Disney animator dealt with his grief at losing his wife
This beautiful animation really inspired me this morning. This man used his grief to create something beautiful. I was also reminded that the Taj Mahal was a product of grief. Perhaps those of us still dealing with the loss of a non-existant relationship with a narcissistic abuser, may one day also be able to produce a masterpiece.
One of the new toxic people in my life is trying to gain supply off me.I am going to use this as an opportunity to fine tune my grey rock skills. I have been praying whenever I anticipate an encounter with this being. I am playing dumb and observing them. It is interesting once you understand what is happening. Thank goodness I knew enough to be very guarded around this character. I sensed something, although I had initially wondered whether they were an empath gone awry. I have been an empath, who got off track, so I was inclined to be forgiving.
This was clearly a mistake on my part. I have had to pull right back.
I do miss my naive old self in many ways but I am grateful that I have been awoken from my slumber and shown the truth.
Eternal vigilance is the price of knowledge.
For the past six months I had been quietly looking for a new home. This can be a very stressful experience. I had seen some very interesting places. One place claimed to have two bedrooms. They actually were an insult to even the word” cupboard”.
Another was a hotel room which had somehow been reclassified as a flat. The chief thing I remember was how many doors had to be unlocked between the front entrance and the eventual “flat”. Aside from the disconcerting number of locked doors,
there was the ever present fear that I would be doomed to wander eternally lost, through the corridors of this “Fawlty Towers”.
I lost count of the number of unsuitable properties, from which I had ended up walking despondently away, before I had found my own little slice of heaven. It was small. I didn’t know how we could make it work-but we have. I knew from the moment I arrived in the area, I belonged here. It had felt like coming home-not returning to “cult headquarters” but home. I had found the area before I had found the actual property. I loved the area so much, I took time out from house-hunting, just to spend the day there. I had decided to check online to see what was available, on the off chance I might find somewhere and there it was- our cosy apartment. It had all fallen into place and we have settled here happily.
I write this as words of encouragement for those of you still dealing with those early struggles, as you contemplate a new life, away from everything to which you have become accustomed. I wake up most mornings and my first thought is normally.
“Thank you God!”
It is not easy but eventually life can begin again after narcissistic abuse.
Gifs from Giphy.com
Mostly the advice is “Run!” when you are dealing with toxic characters. Personally I do not think this is generally a good idea. It depends on how long these characters have been in your life and various other factors. It seems to me that current thinking and attitudes are not working. Too many people are winding up dead or seriously injured. I believe leaving a toxic person, is best and most safely achieved through careful planning and as much as possible, (initially at least) trying not to get the toxic person offside. If you can somehow let them believe it was all their idea, even better. As with a predatory animal, no sudden moves. I had several times through the process particularly early on, when I had felt we were unsafe. I only feel I can admit this now. I liked to keep him where I could see him and what he was up to. I did have hopes for some miraculous cure for his toxic behaviour in the beginning. This was a good thing for me (it may not be for everybody) as it gave me time. I needed that time to set me on the road to recovery from my PTSD and to begin to sort my life out. I had not really realised how much damage he had done, until I had begun to be free of him. I was both physically and mentally exhausted for quite a long while. I found a great counsellor(who had also experienced narcissistic abuse) to help me through my recovery. I went every week for about six months, then monthly. After about eight months I was able to stop going.
I didn’t worry about the money. I knew I had to recover in order to be there for everybody else.
I also joined Meetup.com and started rebuilding my social life and going out and about again.
Making me and my recovery the number one priority was the most important thing I did. Ultimately this helped everybody.