I ended up working out what my objective was from a conversation and ignoring the rest. I had needed to be tactical to survive.
I might have only one tiny goal for a conversation. I am a teacher. We think in terms of aims and objectives. I can detach and be objective.We break things down into tiny steps My aim at the moment for example is to teach people not to mess with me because I bite back.
I recognised I was dealing with a narcissistic bully here. I watched the tactics. I had the comfort of knowing I was not the first he had messed with when I had been told that the previous owner had been glad to sell.
As they said of Rowan Baxter. They have to win. I let my ex compete with me and seek to be the better parent. Win. Win. My goal was not about me, it was about getting the best for the children.