Consistency- Teaching Scruples

My youngsters have had to rely on me for the consistency in their lives. Consistency is hard but it is especially important when there is a narcissist in the mix. We need to be an island of stability amid the chaos. I have just realised how exhausting this is.

I was taught to be consistent at college. I had to mean what I said all the time. I could not afford to let them down. I was blessed with two consistent parents. Dad was rock solid. Mum was less consistent but she has always been there for both of us. They stood by each other on the whole with matters pertaining to we kids. I do remember my dad really letting mum have it for being unfair to me a couple of times.

I know a lot more about things now and understand Dad more. He used to struggle with his relationship with my brother. He really tried. I remember him making balsawood models and flying model aeroplanes with him.

My brother always had a bit of a sly side which Dad had not liked. I don’t like it much either. I liked him best when he was getting up to innocent mischief. He had a great time at his first job. He told me how they had launched a bin lid with a rocket ๐Ÿš€ and how the people from the local meteorological office had all rushed to the window to see what was going on. Bang Sound Effect.

He has a lot of charm especially with the ladies. My Dad had been very firm with him. I think now that this was his Salvation. Dad booted him out.

One of my brother’s mates (the one who married my best female friend)had a car horn that sounded like the QE2.(Starts 1:06)has decided to join forces with my ex husband. I think he is punishing me for abandoning him.

He had been rude and unpleasant to his wife. In fact he put down both her and his daughter. I had warned her and her mother not to put up with it. I had put up with years of his insults. I think he told his daughter who she was. (When he couldn’t get to me any more, he used similar insults on his daughter.) I did tell her to tell him to “Get lost!” This was the beginning of my brother and I not getting along. He had also sided with my ex instead of sticking up for me, when my ex had been abusive. I do not like the relationship he has with our mother. It is not healthy.

I recognise that one of my former sister-in-laws had once warned me to tell my ex to “Get Lost!”too but I had not felt able to trust her. I used to trust him


We used to play Scruples in my family of origin. It was generally accepted at that time that my brother had very few. I used to struggle to be noticed with my brother’s constant dramas. I honestly did not think anybody would seriously miss me when I moved to Australia

Scruples on the Tonight Show (Johnny Carson)

He was in his late teens/ early twenties back then. I believe the phrase that was used was,

“He would sell his own grandmother.”

I think many young men are like that at his age. My daughter was always explaining how the male frontal lobes are not fully developed till 25.

The Secret Life of Us Intro

I actually think it may take longer than that. I am pretty sure one of my brother’s mates was still prank calling me into his thirties. Thanks for causing me to have a .ong chat on the phone with a guy telling me he wanted my body. Maybe it was even associated with my action of going back for a second look at a flasher.

We had managed to have lots of largely innocent fun. We will never mention again what went on behind the van at the Jean Michel Jarre concert.

Brain Development- Dr Do Stuff

Scruples was a great game. It had really made us think.

Butterflies was an enjoyable and poignant show.

Consoling Adam – Butterflies

I have seen guys suffer broken hearts many times. The guys in Friends explain the stages of a break up for men. They even took Chandler to a strip club to help him recover. (For me and my friend as a female was “I hate all men.” Or as my friend and I used to say.

Warning expletive ahead!!

“All men are bastards”which would make us laugh and start recovery. I wish we had had Nigella Lawson’s chocolate chip cookies back in the eighties.)

The Girls Get Chandler Over His Break-Up

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