Some days I was afraid to leave him with the children whilst I went to the toilet. I knew I would come back to uproar. He undermined me at every turn with the children then would accuse me of ” underminding him.” The extra d is deliberate as that was what he used to say.
I was scared for much of the time to leave the children with him. I really wanted a break but I did not trust him. My friend had just shown up and taken. the children to the duckpond one day to give me a break but I found I could not switch off. I was so used to having to protect them.
I guess I had learned to behave like a meerkat on sentry duty.
Source: Brainline https://youtube.com/user/brainline
I think I also do not like to sit with my back to the door now I think about it. Keeping us safe was a 24/7 job. The minute I relaxed I knew something bad would happen.
I know I have an exaggerated startle response but interestingly I think he had one too. He would hate it if the children would jump out and surprise him. I would use lavender and fill the house with prayer on occasions. I became quitegooat calming him until the family would start their nonsense again.
I found that losing it with him seemed to calm him more effectively than cajoling him. I wonder now if it brought him back into his body.
I learned how to manage him but it was hard and terrifying work and I never want to go through that again!