I am living somewhere, where it appears in my opinion men and women are really not allowed to be friends. A society where there were initially very few women. It seems to me many men are very lonely and unhappy. The male suicide rate is high in this male utopia. Male “bonding” seems to leave many men feeling angry, frustrated and ultimately solitary. Connections are often shallow.

The younger generation seems a little better but generally the culture was where men stood around the barbecue and the women hung out in the kitchen. The men I used to know were not afraid to be seen in the kitchen (I include the men from The Breakfast Club).

You Will Always Find Me In The Kitchen At Parties (Jonah Lewie) The Breakfast Club played an important role in my recovery. I found it quite soothing brandishing my tea towel and having a chat. It had helped me get used to men again too. I was still very sensitive. It is like you are covered in raw skin. I saw myself as a butterfly 🦋 emerging from a chrysalis. I knew I had to stand in the sun and wait for my wings to dry out.

I think some people underestimated just how raw I was.

A culture where I was often just viewed as an appendage as a woman. I have felt disconnected from half of my soul. I have felt so sorry for my son. He has been let down badly by his male “friends”. I am crying as I write this as I feel this is just so wrong.

I got really angry at my son’s graduation from school, as the majority of the boys had their arms around each other whilst he was left to stand alone.I had actually complained to the headmaster about this behaviour. For me if I never hear terms like male bonding and men’s sheds again, it will be too soon.

This poem reminds me of our current situation.

Stevie Smith Discusses and Recites ‘Not Waving but Drowning’.

Someone Saved My Life Tonight -Elton John In my case it was a policeman. I will always be grateful to him. I had thought that the worst was over. Turns out I was the King of Wishful Thinking.

The King & I

In my son’s case it was his dear Asian friend, who had found the courage to tell my son he had been through something similar but my son was profoundly changed by what had happened. In his case the girl had set about destroying every university friendship he had and blackening his name across campus. My daughter and I had needed to put him back together but we had both ended up feeling depleted too. He was so happy at university until his toxic encounter. He has not been quite the same since. He blamed himself but I saw what she did. She would not leave him alone! She did not want him but she would not just leave him alone! I had recognised the toxicity. I am however usually patient with young people having made many mistakes myself. He had initially been very happy at university, We pretty much all get our hearts smashed to smithereens eventually but it was hard to watch. I have rarely chased a guy. I have to be really smitten to even consider it. I dislike games in general, The only reason I might behave surreptitiously would be to benefit the guy concerned, not myself.

Men have grown totally mistrustful of women. I think this is really sad!

Men and women need each other. There is no su I would argue that dividing men and women and forcing them to have a largely adversarial relationship, is just cruel. I brought my son up to like women. I feel it has nearly destroyed him here. I have not brought him up for the conditions here. He has become disillusioned, hurt and embittered. I helped push my guy friends cars up the street, tried to cheer them up when their hearts were broken, Young guys seem more vulnerable at least initially than young girls.

Beneath all the bravado for example Howard Wolowitz was quite vulnerable for example, initially Howar she forgot he hadvfèwas sleazy towards Penny. Penny bècame so used to having to chasehim off that she had forgotten that he had feelings.

I take a different tack on this question. How can we survive as a society if we don’t teach men and women to be friends? We need to love, value and support each other. Above all we need to recognise toxic people for the soul-destroying life-endangering parasites they are.


The Cheesecake Bandits – Friends

Personally a guy with whom I can sit on the floor and scrape cheesecake, sounds just perfect. Rachel had a great time living with Joey and Chandler. I have been there for my guy friends who have had their hearts broken and they have been there for me.

With A Little Help from My Friends – The Beatles

Eve was created from Adam’s body. Without each other how can we ever be whole?

Genesis 2:23

The man said,

“This is now bone of my bones
    and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
    for she was taken out of man.”

If I am ever to marry again, I want to marry my best friend.

You’re My Best Friend, Jenn Bostic

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