I am living somewhere, where it appears in my opinion men and women are really not allowed to be friends. A society where there were initially very few women. It seems to me many men are very lonely and unhappy. The male suicide rate is high in this male utopia. Male “bonding” seems to leave many men feeling angry, frustrated and ultimately solitary. Connections are often shallow.
The younger generation seems a little better but generally the culture was where men stood around the barbecue and the women hung out in the kitchen. The men I used to know were not afraid to be seen in the kitchen (I include the men from The Breakfast Club).
You Will Always Find Me In The Kitchen At Parties (Jonah Lewie) The Breakfast Club played an important role in my recovery. I found it quite soothing brandishing my tea towel and having a chat. It had helped me get used to men again too. I was still very sensitive. It is like you are covered in raw skin. I saw myself as a butterfly 🦋 emerging from a chrysalis. I knew I had to stand in the sun and wait for my wings to dry out.
A culture where I was often just viewed as an appendage as a woman. I have felt disconnected from half of my soul. I have felt so sorry for my son. He has been let down badly by his male “friends”. I am crying as I write this as I feel this is just so wrong.
I got really angry at my son’s graduation from school, as the majority of the boys had their arms around each other whilst he was left to stand alone.I had actually complained to the headmaster about this behaviour. For me if I never hear terms like male bonding and men’s sheds again, it will be too soon.
This poem reminds me of our current situation.
In my son’s case it was his dear Asian friend, who had found the courage to tell my son he had been through something similar but my son was profoundly changed by what had happened. In his case the girl had set about destroying every university friendship he had and blackening his name across campus. My daughter and I had needed to put him back together but we had both ended up feeling depleted too. He was so happy at university until his toxic encounter. He has not been quite the same since. He blamed himself but I saw what she did.
Men and women need each other. There is no such thing as “just friends,” I would argue that dividing men and women and forcing them to have a largely adversarial relationship, is just cruel. I brought my son up to like women. I feel it has nearly destroyed him here. I have not brought him up for the conditions here. He has become disillusioned, hurt and embittered.
I take a different tack on this question. How can we survive as a society if we don’t teach men and women to be friends? We need to love, value and support each other. Above all we need to recognise toxic people for the soul-destroying life-endangering parasites they are.
Personally a guy with whom I can sit on the floor and scrape cheesecake, sounds just perfect. Rachel had a great time living with Joey and Chandler. I have been there for my guy friends who have had their hearts broken and they have been there for me.
Eve was created from Adam’s body. Without each other how can we ever be whole?
The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”
If I am ever to marry again, I want to marry my best friend.
What Can I Do- The Corrs