Swamped By Books

I taught both my youngsters to love books. This has backfired on me. I am now alone in a flat with all the books they have left behind.) I really don’t recognise many of these books as being their taste at all. I am especially surprised to uncover a romantic novel called All About Us by Tom Ellen. When it comes to romantic novels I have one firm favourite myself, The L Shaped Room by Lynn Reid Banks. I like her solitude. I do love films about the idea of people having made different choices like Sliding Doors and Family Man. I can’t honestly conceive of a choice I could have made that would have led me to true love and happiness. It feels like nearly all the choices were made for me…by idiots. The choice I did make – My marriage-was also a complete disaster however.

I know what I am supposed to say. I am supposed to take responsibility and own my mistakes. I never do what I am supposed to do. I didn’t ask my best guy friend to totally hurt and humiliate me. I didn’t ask my ex to hit me. I didn’t ask another dear guy friend to go off and get a girl pregnant. I could go on and on… I have done nothing but share love with the people I love. I have been burned over and over again. I don’t want smart arses telĺing me what I should have done either.

Bridget Jones Diary -All By Myself

Gee she sounds like me just before I met my future husband. Seems to me just hitting the wine bottle and listening to sad music would be a great choice to make right now.

If I get one more bit of sanctimonious, self-righteous advice I’ll scream.

I can then at least really enjoy being sad. I am going to do a Marvin The Paranoid Android. I would not the only one round here who did that, judging by the number of times I have smelled vomit in the lift not forgetting meeting several drunken, staggering men but then It’s Different for Girls if I were to vomit quietly in the lift here, there would be a newsflash! I knew the guy was an alcoholic. I think I loaned quietly for him. He smirks at me that is why I no longer like him,(Not alcohol!)

I had complained to my friend I wanted to have a friend with whom to catch up for coffee. She had told me to ask God. This guy from the building turner up n in the coffee shop with his mother and sister. I caught him hanging out conspiratorially with the other guys on my floor and have not wanted to talk to him again. I judge people by the company they keep! Guys who stand guard outside a building! I would catch up again but am holding out for Breakfast at Tiffany’s.

whilst a home is ransacked are not good company!

Four glasses of the wine at the local pub made me distinctly tipsy. Why do I feel I have to give an account of my every move? Who do you think you are my nank manager!

Side effect of having dealt with narcissists. It is a habit I suspect I may never lose. I have watched other narcissistic abuse victims in the witness box behave the same way. We know people are going to doubt absolutely everything we say. Hell he even had me doubting my own words and feeling I had to cross check everything. So glad I kept so much in writing so that I can periodically reassure myself I’m not nuts but I will grow and learn to share my life with the occasional annoying person.