A Walking Corpse

Obviously I need to get back to basics. Why was my ex behaving himself last we met and how come they waited for me to leave when I thought I could slip out unnoticed? I also had a guy grab my arm. (He had always left bruises on my arms) Honestly I am terribly boring these days. There must be more interesting people around. Yes I obviously caused huge narcissistic injury. Well here goes nothing. They sweep things under the carpet continually. I didn’t. I regularly walked around with a black eye. I did not try to hide it. Why should I feel ashamed? I found turning the other cheek and meditating to be inadequate strategies when it comes to domestic violence.

Matthew 5:38-40

I was rea,ly triggered watching the police officers with Gabby Petito. It was so similar to my own first experience of calling the police, where I had ended up being separated from my children. I could see what was going on and how Gabby seemed to think everything was her fault, The Utah police officers were more gentle than what I had encountered here in Australia in 2000.i mean I was standing there battered and bruised. They had never asked me about my injuries.

The police officer who had arrested my ex had worried me a bit when he rang to tell me my ex was being charged with assault. I had suspected my ex had managed to get to him too. I was terrified what he might do if I gave evidence against him. I didn’t want to endanger the children. Am I Safe Sleeping Next To Him? I asked myself that question too but I had wanted to keep the relationship going long enough to assure some daft person would not be taken in by him and leave ny children with him again, My daughter’s 13th birthday and the changes brought about because of Rosie Batty had made me believe it might be time to act.

My ex has my son convinced that we had broken up over “stupid, little things” More than anything I would like my ex to own his behaviour to our youngsters. I feel this would really help our son in particular. It represents justice to me. If possible video tape it so that it can be watched repeatedly and give him the opportunity to discuss things with specially trained police when and if he needs to over a period of years if necessary.They probably both need to be taught more about the manipulations abusers employ and how to deal with them by somebody other than me and strictly professional too.

Domestic Violence – The Children Affected BBC Newa

Let’s put the shame back where it belongs.

On the abusers of this world.

What do I want from this? Mainly I want to know he won’t get to do this to anyone else? I want to feel safe.

I knew how clever he was. I knew he had everybody wrapped around his finger.

He can turn on the tears.๐Ÿ˜ญ

I have picked myself up off the floor many times. I just feel he will always win. I lost all faith in the system to protect us. I am jittery and defensive. He is charming.

I suspect growing up in a macho culture when he was probably a quiet little bookworm had not helped him. His mother once said he had worn out the arms of the chairs where he had sat resting his arms, whilst reading.

I accept the opposite can happen too, which is why I largely brought our son up outside so he had the freedom to find himself. He must have been reasonably happy as he wants to buy our old home. I feel quite differently about the place.

You have to really understand the fear involved when someone feels they have to straighten every jar in the cupboard. If I had become just another corpse then maybe people would have taken notice for a while.

giphy.com

Please don’t ask me why I am so tired. It has been a full-time job fending off my ex’s many attacks. He was determined to leave me friendless, broken and penniless and possibly even in gaol if he could manage it.

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