My Secret Past

Gee all the secrets are coming out now. This one is hard. Punk was most definitely my thing. Ironically it was my mother, who had introduced me to punk. She had worked at a local music venue for a while.

Wow having a revelation here. I didn’t even know I was a bit of a goth at times, judging by some of my taste in music and my occasional style.

This is from giphy. I have seen The Cure live btw. I went with one of my former flatmates: I Went To See The Cure with my occupationally housemate. She called Robert Smith cute

My flatmates had used to rib me about my moped-riding boyfriend. Especially when I had discovered he had been two-timing me and had chucked his crash helmet out the front door. What got me is he had watched me calmly carry it down the stairs before I ejected it through the front door.

(Prior to that he had also abandoned me halfway up Mt, Snowdon.)

Even he had admitted that it was funny.. Not as funny as when we had him panicking that we were all in trouble with the headmaster for sending dozens of children without PE kit to an unsuspecting colleague. (I had let him in on what we were up to.😂 He had then written my boyfriend a note warning him the headmaster was on the warpath. My ex boyfriend’s face had drained of colour,)

The whole thing was totally quackers! 🦆

I went to see The Cure with a former flatmate (and one of my best friends.) She went on to study to be an occupational therapist, I think she may have had a bit of a love-hate relationship with our Welsh flatmate.. Her sense of humour is as sarcastic as mine. Apparently she does not like to share her chips.

She had told me about kibbutzim  in Israel. Up until now my Mum did not know who gave me the idea. Her kibbutz was even closer than mine to The Gaza Strip. I tried several times to get hold of her. Unfortunately her surname is rather common.

Don’t  Worry Bee 🐝 Happy

My Mother had come home with tales of well-spoken, polite young people, who had safety pins, piercing their face. At the time she had been selling tickets to see The StranglersUnfortunately I had not had the opportunity to attend. The Stranglers had been considered a weird, fringe band, in those early days. It would have been fantastic, to have been able to admit to pogoing at one of those early concerts.

Watch “Debbie Harry explains The Pogo to the Americans” on YouTube

Source: Macy1974TV

Still we could hear it from our house.

I always thought I was a heavy metal fan but actually my style was more punk. Now the world has gone into meltdown, it is perhaps time for me to return to my punk roots.

I loved the fact that punk was angry, raw and real. Listening to Johnny Rotten speak these days, I realise punk music was surprisingly deep, as well as unpretentious.

Johnny Rotten had got himself banned for speaking the truth about Jimmy Saville, in the eighties. He is finally now getting some respect for it. Cancel culture is not new. Punk music and punk stars were being cancelled decades ago.

Values V Goals by Dr Russ Harris

Source;Dr Russ Harris Acceptance & Commitment Therapy

Then again, I don’t think I can afford the hairspray.

That was the thing about punk. It was a mass of contradictions, It had managed to appear full of refreshing working class passion and yet there was a decidedly intellectual, highbrow element to it.

I may even have worn the occasional bin bag and safety pin myself but again this is strictly between you and me…🤣

My current plan is to wait until I am totally grey and then dye my hair some outrageous colour. Having dark brown hair and not being prepared to bleach it, has limited my ability to shock in this respect – till now  that is…

Whatever style of music I might be enjoying at any point in time, I hope my values remain consistent. They did waver a bit before I knew about ACT and found myself in a narcissistically abusive  relationship. I was goal focussed for a while. My sole goal was to try to keep us all Safe & Sane. If I had known about ACT however,  I think there were probably ways I could have still managed to live by my values. I know for example prisoners  at Changi had managed to build a church and make presents for children.

A previous attempt to outrage, while I was at college, had led to disaster.  My vivid red hair had come out of a can. This was great until I had found myself in the company of a guy with a white jacket,  in torrential rain. His jacket had ended up making him appear to have done something terrible.Yet he had wanted to see me again??? Looking back now, I suspect he may have been trying to work out a way to get me to pay his dry cleaning bill.

Hammer Horror by Kate Bush

Source;Kate Bush Music

OK so the biggest secret of all is I am actually shy. I have to make a real effort to talk to people.  I always liked the quiet, shy guys really. I am blushing even writing this. If I didn’t have an outgoing mother, I would probably have spent my life hiding. She would tell me off for my anti-social ways. I learned strategies to cope. Like I said I once went mile’s out of my way to avoid workmen.

I don’t even think my youngsters realise I am shy.

Why as a woman, do I have to justify  the fact that I am not generally all over men like a rash? It hurts me that some guys I thought were my friends turned on me so quickly.

I t has made me feel ill and tearful just to admit I am shy, How dumb is that?

I guess I am just another Daft Punk who’s been Around The World a few times

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