Bullying. Last time I wrote a post entitled bullying, it had been about children. These days when I write about bullying, it has been by those, who claim to be adults.
The bullying has been so extreme at times, I have been prepared to walk away, even from the people I love the most. This bullying has been subtle but it has been prolonged. From that first playgroup visit, where I dared to walk in with my lively son in a backpack, right up to the present day.
I remember being shocked the first time I heard that somebody had killed themselves nearby, after their husband had left them. Thinking about it now, I wonder whether they had been narcissistically-abused, either by their runaway partner or by their so-called friends and neighbours. I know my own experience was deliberately compounded by some people.
One of the most traumatising experiences for me, was having a removal truck suddenly appear in front of the house. I had visions of everything being carted away and the children and I being left in an empty house. My friends had come to sit with me that day. They had prayed and had kept me company for hours. The van had just sat there, half the day, with nobody appearing to come near it. I had eventually found the removal men and had explained my concern, in as light-hearted a way as I could manage, only to be told,
“No wonder your old man left you.”
In that same period, I had later attended a counselling session with my ex, which had actually turned into what I had later referred to as, ” a male-bonding session.”
I had confronted the counsellor upon my departure. I could tell by the look on his face, he had realised his mistake but it was too late. I was already traumatised and he had empowered my tormentor.
It had taken two days for me to decide to deal with both situations. I had demanded an apology from the counsellor and rung up the removal company to complain. In both cases I had received an immediate apology. In fact the lady at the end of the phone at the removal company, had appeared to be even more irate than I was. I believe her words were,
“He said what!”
My experience when my “partner” had walked out that first time, (encouraged by people, who had felt I needed to be shown who was boss,) was that people had spoken to me, more than they had done in years. I had suddenly realised for the first time, not everybody was taken in by him.
However subtle bullying has been a feature of my life, since I have become a mother. Female bullying often takes the form of gossiping, deliberate exclusion and other passive-aggressive behaviours.
From here on in, I will be calling all bullying (subtle or otherwise) out.
I will speak up about why I felt forced to allow my toxic relationship to continue, one day. For now, I will just say I thank God for the courage of Rosie Batty, whose horrific experience forced people to wake up.
Be aware that these delicate, little flowers can give it but they can’t take it. They are likely to respond ro any narcissistic injury with attempts to humiliate you and ruin your life. Still God has shown me time and time again that he knows how to handle it.
See also: Do narcissists ever regret what they do to you?https://youtube.com/c/MentalHealness
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