Shocking confession here. I have tended to minimise my own experience of being caught in a controlling relationship. Truth bomb – Many people stay in controlling relationships out of fear for their lives and the lives of their children.
You are told repeatedly,
“Nobody will believe you.”
They don’t.Toxic characters try to turn everything and everybody against you. Professionals, (people who should know better), are sometimes the worst. In my own case, I always knew within five minutes, he would have just about anybody in his thrall. I had one friend, who couldn’t stand him and saw right through him. She had stared him down, as he had tried to order her from the house. She has tremendous faith. One of my other friends was clever and had known exactly how to handle him, so that she could visit as much as she wanted. She would tell me the truth and had introduced me to the phrase,
“Street angel, home devil.”
Here in Australia a woman and three young children have just been murdered. It has kind of snapped me awake. This is the reality of abuse. Any abuser is potentially dangerous. Never underestimate the danger, if you are leaving a controlling relationship.
For those of you in a position to do something about this weekly carnage (Yes carnage, is not too strong a word.):
Please look beyond the superficial charm. Watch their actions, rather than listen to their words.
(God bless the woman at the post office, who had not believed his excuses, concerning his shenanigans regarding the mail. I wanted to hug you. You had more common sense than just about anybody else involved in my situation.)
Throughout my own relationship, I could not get this phrase( from Shakespeare’s Merchant of Venice) –
“a goodly villain with a smiling cheek.”
out of my head,
(There does unfortunately seem to be an element of anti-semitism in the Merchant of Venice but putting that aside for a minute…)
That same phrase made another passing visit through my mind today, as I saw a photo of the smiling face of the man, who has just murdered his wife and three children, in a most horrific way.
Hannah I am so,so sorry that this happened to you and your babies.