Please understand before we start, I am not victim blaming. I am just asking for women to look out for each other a little. One wonderful woman friend bought me a great mug, which says it very well.
“Girls compete with each other, women empower one another.”
It might surprise people to learn that for most of my life, it has been women and not men, who have frustrated me the most. I was well into my teens before I felt like I had a really close female friend. My first playmate was my brother. So I was always more than comfortable in male company. It was usually girls, who gave me the most grief. From the first time I was excluded from playing in the Wendy house, to those first two little b#@$’s who hassled me because it was my turn to ring the school bell. (Ok I am still working on the forgiveness.) I had not encountered male bullying until secondary school and even then they were kind of gentlemanly about it. Yes they took my bag and threw it about the room but they had handed it back with an apology.
So if anybody out there thinks I am a feminist because I have a problem with men, you are WRONG, WRONG, WRONG…
My biggest issue has always been and remains, with other women. Being hit was almost a relief, compared with the insidious nastiness, I had endured from other women over the years.
I was once astonished to learn that when men yell,
“Show us your %$#s ( Substitute own words for breasts here),”
There are women who actually do it.
My wise friend once told me that for every time we let a child get away with a behaviour, they will repeat that conduct something like thirty times. I believe that we all operate that way, to some extent. So for every woman who flashes, there may well be dozens of other women subjected to catcalling, in the hope of getting that same result. How many times have I heard women excuse bad behaviour from their sons, using the fact that they are male as an excuse?
Equally I look at my own relationship and the conduct I inadvertently allowed. One of the Kim Wilson videos, which impacted me the most, was one where she talked about a couple, who had hung out together since they were children. They had been together decades when he had suddenly decided to hit her. She had never spoken to him again. From memory he had shown up at her work years later. She had called the police to have him removed.
As I learned the hard way, we should not allow negative or abusive behaviour EVER…No not even once. Closing the door and never opening it again, might be the best thing we can do, not only for ourselves but for the other women potentially waiting to fall into the same trap.
I have just discovered another great version of the above quote which says it very well.
“Girls compete. Women empower. Let’s grow up and empower one another and be women.”