Let’s Put Shame Back Where It Belongs

Shame. This is one of the key weapons of the toxic person. Today I have decided to confront my own feelings of shame about what happened.

I am not ashamed of what happened to me. It was not my fault. Yes I really said it.

It was not my fault! I  was reminded  again with  the support of a wonderful fellow blogger, that this really was not my fault. I was simply too kind, innocent and trusting and I am not going to condemn myself for that.

Lately it seems whichever way I turn,  somebody is there ready to judge. Here’s the newsflash: Nobody can ever judge me as harshly as I have done myself. 

I am going to put the blame back where it belongs on the person/people who decided to abuse me, simply because they could.

I once bought a fridge magnet in a vain attempt to deal with the narcissist’s constant abuse.

It said:

If you haven’t got anything nice to say, don’t say anything.

This was one of my grandmother’s favourite sayings.

If I have ever unintentionally said anything disempowering, I too,am sorry.

I have always done my best to be supportive and kind. Unfortunately I haven’t always got it right but I have never set out to do to anybody else what has been done to us, within this community of narcissistic abuse survivors.

I have decided I am no longer ashamed of what happened to me.

I am putting any feelings of shame right back where they belong, back on those who set out  deliberately and systematically. to try and destroy us.

Colleen Hoover

Shouldn’t there be more distaste in our mouths for the abusers than for those who continue to love the abusers.



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