There seems to be a new trend in the narcissistic abuse community.
It goes something like this:
I am a smart survivor. I recognise the error of my ways. It is your fault you have become a victim. You can control everything . You cause everything bad which happens to you.
I can’t pretend I haven’t swallowed this nonsense at times, especially when my life was initially turned upside down. I wanted to be able to mend everything. If it was all my fault. If I was in control, I could fix it. This is an attractive idea. I needed to work on my boundaries that’s for sure. This I have done. However toxic people still hover around the edges of my life, seeking chinks in my armour.
It particularly shocked me to realise that some people are likely born toxic(another unpopular concept.) We cannot control everything.
At the moment I have been seeking humility among those who speak about narcissistic abuse. I am glad I discovered all this on You Tube, four years ago. It seems to me there are very few people these days, who are willing to admit currrent issues with narcissistic abuse.
I own the fact that my own struggles with narcissistic abusers are ongoing. People have still fooled me from time to time and I am on a constant learning curve.
This week I thought I would write in particular about victim-blaming and a need for authenticity to return to the narcissistic abuse community. I follow people’s journeys. I like to look back to where we all began, with humility. Both for our own sake and for the sake of those who are only just learning about narcissism, I for one, need to remember those terrible early struggles and reach out with humility to those still experiencing those excruciatingly painful early days. Yes we have a message of hope and compassion but without humility, our message may ultimately be not only ineffective but may also help to further disempower victims.