When Silence Is Not Golden

Many of my views do not fit in with much of current attitudes. I study family history. I believe in bringing things into the light. I was annoyed at family members who had announced to me,

I knew what he was. I never liked him

I just thought,

Gee, I wish somebody had botthered to tell me.

Where did we get the idea, it is better to keep things to ourselves?

I would rather have to put up with a little grief for telling it like it is, than live with the knowledge, that I had allowed loved ones to wander into a lion’s den, whilst saying and doing nothing. Yes people will still do what they want to, but at least one day they may re-emerge knowing that we had cared enough to speak out.

Blood Is Thicker Than Water

Blood is thicker than water.

One very painful lesson I learned, is that reaching out to the narc’s family, made matters worse. I firmly believe that there is a genetic element to narcissism, so they are more likely to be part of the problem, than the solution.

When I thought my MIL might sympathise, as it was an issue I knew she had experienced herself, I had reached out to her. It was one of the most horrific experiences of my life. It had ended with me finally accepting that the narc, (difficult as he was) was possibly less of a problem than his mother. We(The narc and I) had actually enjoyed relative peace for a while, as I had begun to understand, the disturbed environment in which he had been raised.

One advantage I have had, over many narcissistic abuse victims dealing with in-laws is, I had seen how they had treated a former brother-in-law. To my shame, I have since realised how close I had sailed to becoming a fully-fledged flying monkey myself. I am pleased to say their behaviour towards him (which had included a graphic smear campaign) did eventually backfire. Throughout my experience I have remembered the phrase from the bible about all that which is hidden, being one day revealed. It might not happen according to our timetable, but I have found there is great truth and comfort in this.

Luke 8:17

For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.