An exercise in self compassion : Excerpt from The Reality Slap : How to Find Fulfilment When Life Hurts


The Black Hole

As a keen reader, I read the book 1984 with relish. The final chapters were particularly chilling. SPOILER ALERT!!

It turns out eventually that even the resistance to the despotic regime, is actually run by the regime itself.

I have an interesting take on those dealing with narcissistic in-laws. I mean compared to his family, my ex was an angel.I have now discovered more of their appalling behaviour, which occured during my move. Of course the narcissist enabled their disturbed conduct.

The narcissistic family unit is like a huge spinning vortex, which sucks in and destroys anybody in its path. Like the Borg on Star Trek, there are no truly individual organisms, they are all connected to some toxic master brain.

I know with certainty that the battle is spiritual. I would struggle with their machinations but in the nick of time, God would come to my rescue and send them packing-all I have to do is to be patient and wait.

Leading a double life is, to toxic people, as natural as breathing. Only occasionally do the two worlds collide and expose the truth. I have witnessed the toxic family sweep anything which did not fit with their image, under he metaphorical carpet. It is like some huge ocean however, momentarily there are ripples on the surface but in the depths beneath, nothing ever really changes.

Family members have been conditioned since birth to serve the collective and to subjugate their own will and inclinations. If one of them does start to wake up, they send out one of the more innocuous looking family members to bring their stray sheep back to the fold by posing as part of the resistance. Their only hope of escape is to find the one true shepherd, who gave his life to protect his sheep, Jesus Christ.

A Lesson Learned

When I had sat there listening to Desperado that day, I had decided it was better to take a chance and just live life. I knew love lives seemed to be a hassle but I had recognised, I had to take a chance on love eventually, even though I feared the drama and hassles of serious relationships. When I analyse things, I wonder if that was why I had ended up in a relationship with a narcissist. Somehow dealing with somebody of so little depth, had perhaps not appeared so overwhelming. Still I believe narcissistic relationships may be becoming the norm. I believe vastly more people are dealing with narcissists than realise it. You know the stories, people suddenly discovering their partners lived double lives. I certainly believe narcissism has probably infiltrated just about every family somewhere. I was surprised to learn that the brother of a dear friend of mine had been caught up in a terrible situation with a narcissistic partner. My friend had known little about narcissism and what her brother was going through, why he had appeared so trapped and why he had appeared at times to reject them. I was able to explain things to her. Another friend has a sister struggling to escape in a long term narcissistic marriage. I was able to help her understand too

I believe this is a spiritual thing and that only God can truly deal with a narcissist. Our job is not to fix them, it is just to get away and stay away.

Thank You

I do have some advantages as a survivor of narcissistic abuse. I have a fantastic long-term memory-not quite Sheldon Cooper’s but getting there. I vividly remember almost every horrid thing he put me through, which is why I could never contemplate going back for another dose of the same and yet he still seems to think that one day I will welcome him back into my life in some capacity. I have explained to my youngsters, in pretty lurid terms, that it’s not happening but he still periodically attempts to hoover through them. I am so grateful to all the You Tubers, bloggers etc who opened my eyes to what was going on. Without you I might have been stuck on the same dizzying merry-go-round forever.

I do hope that my story may also help others,