Leaving

Mostly the advice is “Run!” when you are dealing with toxic characters. Personally I do not think this is generally a good idea. It depends on how long these characters have been in your life and various other factors. It seems to me that current thinking and attitudes are not working. Too many people are winding up dead or seriously injured. I believe leaving a toxic person, is best and most safely achieved through careful planning and as much as possible, (initially at least) trying not to get the toxic person offside. If you can somehow let them believe it was all their idea, even better. As with a predatory animal, no sudden moves. I had several times through the process particularly early on, when I had felt we were unsafe. I only feel I can admit this now.  I liked to keep him where I could see him and what he was up to.  I did have hopes for some miraculous cure for his toxic behaviour in the beginning. This was a good thing for me (it may not be for everybody) as it gave me time. I needed that time to set me on the road to recovery from my PTSD and to begin to sort my life out. I had not really realised how much damage he had done, until I had begun to be free of him. I was both physically and mentally exhausted for quite a long while. I found a great counsellor(who had also experienced narcissistic abuse) to help me through my recovery. I went every week for  about six months, then monthly. After about eight months I was able to stop going.

I didn’t worry about the money. I knew I had to recover in order to be there for everybody else.

I also joined Meetup.com and started rebuilding my social life and going out and about again.

www.meetup.com

Making me and my recovery the number one priority was the most important thing I did. Ultimately this helped everybody.

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