Moving Forward by Looking Back

Speaking to my father’s relative, I had realised with surprise, that narcissistic abuse may have been a feature of the family’s history for generations. I was told once how one uncle would go for weeks without speaking to his wife and how another could apparantly remain silent for months. At one stage I had wondered if some families were actually preyed upon others for generation after generation. My paternal ancestors in particular appear to have had troubled relationships. Equally I have theorised that families subconsciously try to fix damage themselves and that we are perhaps drawn to those who may somehow  be connected with the original situation in some way, ( or as I now theorise toxic people), in an effort to heal the wound.

Sometimes I would uncover certain things in the family tree, only to find that suddenly there was turmoil in my own life. Each time I have encountered anything unsettling in the family tree, I have tried to deal with it head on, rather than to sweep it under the carpet-in the hope that maybe I could improve the situation for any who come after me and maybe break the cycle.

By nature I am scientific. A major part of my  university study was science. I have theories, I then seek proof. In my own challenging situation, I tried to methodically find out what was wrong.  Time and again I have found the bible actually matches the science. It was fascinating to me to read court transcripts and  to realise that gaslighting had probably been a feature of the toxic person’s family for generations, as I read the accused’s attempt to gaslight a whole courtroom.(I had not known anything about gaslighting at the time but I had recognised a patholological, manipulative liar even then.)

Perhaps the reasons why toxic people seek us out, may have little to do with us, the answers may lie many generations ago. Maybe the way to help lead our families to a more healthy future is to face and come to terms with the past.



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