Moving Forward by Looking Back

Speaking to my father’s relative, I had realised with surprise, that narcissistic abuse may have been a feature of the family’s history for generations. I was told once how one uncle would go for weeks without speaking to his wife and how another could apparantly remain silent for months. At one stage I had wondered if some families were actually preyed upon others for generation after generation. My paternal ancestors in particular appear to have had troubled relationships. Equally I have theorised that families subconsciously try to fix damage themselves and that we are perhaps drawn to those who may somehow be connected with the original situation in some way, ( or as I now theorise toxic people), in an effort to heal the wound.
Sometimes I would uncover certain things in the family tree, only to find that suddenly there was turmoil in my own life. Each time I have encountered anything unsettling in the family tree, I have tried to deal with it head on, rather than to sweep it under the carpet-in the hope that maybe I could improve the situation for any who come after me and maybe break the cycle.
By nature I am scientific. A major part of my university study was science. I have theories, I then seek proof. In my own challenging situation, I tried to methodically find out what was wrong. Time and again I have found the bible actually matches the science. It was fascinating to me to read court transcripts and to realise that gaslighting had probably been a feature of the toxic person’s family for generations, as I read the accused’s attempt to gaslight a whole courtroom.(I had not known anything about gaslighting at the time but I had recognised a patholological, manipulative liar even then.)
There are Methodists on both sides of my family
Perhaps the reasons why toxic people seek us out, may have little to do with us. The answers may lie many generations ago. Maybe the way to help lead our families to a more healthy future is to face and come to terms with the past.
The Life of John Wesley
What Do Methodists Believe?
God became most real to me when I found myself having to fight for my two youngsters in a foreign land. I even had the really weird experience of having half a ton of breadcrumbs dropped on my doorstep by a bunch of what I thought were crows but what were apparantly ravens. I knew from that moment on that God would provide for us. My parents were fascinated by the ravens when they had come to visit.
A baby raven was stuck on our verandah unable to fly. The parents had faithfully brought it food until it cancould take off. My son later taught me that the black birds were in fact ravens not crows. All I know about ravens is that they fed Elijah and that there are ravens in the tower of London.

I love Elijah. The L-Shaped Room always makes me think of Elijah. The heroine was pregnant and virtually penniless and yet God had provided for her and her child. Living in a bleak situation she had found some wonderful people. There were prostitutes living downstairs. A wonderful black, grey guy next door and a discouraged and penniless writer also in the building. It sounded a bit like a bedsit I had once lived in as a student.
I have always kept pretty Bohemian company.
The Jazz Sequence – The L-Shaped Room
Theme From The L-Shaped Room
To me The L-Shaped Room is a modern Day Elijah story.( I read all three books in the trilogy)
On Rereading The L-Shaped Room
I agree rereading this book is like coming home. It had healed my despair (From a very weird relationship with a fellow teacher!
Mr I Am Going To Con Somebody Into Sewing On My Button) as I sat on the bus on my way to and from school! He wrote poetry but don’t worry I won’t tell A Soul.) I used to write poetry too!
I can forgive our relationship mishap but not the fact that he appears to have blackened my name!
Australian Ravens- The Most Intelligent Birds In The World
Why Are There Ravens At The Tower of London?
The first bird Noah used to investigate whether there was dry land was apparently a raven. (Genesis 8 Verse 6)
I had an olive tree in my garden. It had started to fruit before we left.
World’s Oldest Olive Tree
Methodists In The Family
Just about all I know about Methodists is that they are not supposed to drink. Kinda ironic that Granddad’s family ran pubs for many generations. I even have his grandfather in trouble for selling alcohol after hours. The sister of this guy came out to Australia to be married off! He appeared to have had an uncle, who may have gone out to NSW as a convict and been the start of the family’s connection with Australia.
My grandfather had also run a bottle shop. I would have a picture of Granddad standing outside the bottle shop but Mum had cut her father out to stick it in a locket, I believe.

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