I am still dealing with my negative feelings. Most of my anger has been aimed at the enablers and the flying monkeys. I mean a wolf is a wolf, I just didn’t recognise it but what upsets me most is the people who knew I was dealing with a wolf yet did nothing to help us and the various professionals to whom we reached out, who did not recognise the issue. My heart goes out to people still caught in toxic relationships. The standard advice is get away, get out. Ultimately yes, that is a reasonable goal but extricating yourself and in many cases children, from toxic situations can be a dangerous and complicated business-not made any easier by the ignorance of too many people of the subject of narcissistic abuse.
I have had days where I have thought if one more person tells me what I should have done or how they would have handled things much better, I will go off pop!
Today is just such a day!
My bet is that a good few people who think they know what they would have done, are in fact living in a toxic situation and have just never realised it. As challenging as my own situation was, I still feel it was at least as authentic as most relationships I saw.
I mean I knew I was dealing with a very problematic individual and I was open about it.
I had no clue about personality disorders. I just knew I was dealing with a three year old in a man’s body. Somebody who appeared to have never heard nor understood the word,”No!” My pride had led me to believe this was something I could fix. When I finally had my light bulb moment and had realised this was an individual who had a very limited capacity to care about anybody and he had certainly never truly cared about me, it had sent me into a tailspin. How could I have been so fooled for so long? I still can’t quite believe it. I have learned about something called neurolinguistic programming and I truly believe these toxic beings are master practitioners and by and large, know exactly what they are doing. The constant repetition of key words and phrases, which I did spot and try to counteract, is a very effective strategy for example. I really picked it up because I made a lot of home videos and I noticed how often he repeated certain phrases to which we were all being trained to respond.
I recommend if you are stuck in a toxic situation whilst you put together your exit strategy, you pay attention to the language which is being used repetitively. Ask yourself what the toxic person’s end game appears to be. Observation is key.