Yesterday while watching a crime documentary, (I have always had an interest in crime and what makes criminals tick.) I had suddenly realised I had a clarity of vision, which I had never had before. The pure narcissistic rage which had culminated in this particular, terrible event, was suddenly visible to me. It was like I had dramatically obtained some kind of super power. Move over Spider-Man!
Upon reflection I too have experienced the fangs of a spider sinking into me, in more ways than one.
This insight was actually the last thing I had initially wanted. Part of me would still love to go back to the rose-coloured world I thought I knew, but that place no longer exists for me.
Recognising the need a couple of years ago, I had also obtained a legal qualification. It has been money and time well-spent. ( I would throroughly recommend this to anyone trying to extricate themselves from a toxic entanglement.) This has also helped empower me. The threats had no longer intimidated me in the same way. It had been useful all round too, as I had dealt with the multitude of flying monkeys sent my way. Perhaps most importantly of all, I have felt able to truly recognise through this experience, the great love which has always sheltered me.
Watching this particular crime documentary, shockingly I had found, I had felt like a seasoned detective.
I didn’t like it much. Where were my rose-coloured glasses? Where had the world I had once lived in disappeared to? Gone forever…
This blessing we have all been given, may have come at great personal cost but there is eventually ( or so I believe, ) a silver lining to this particularly dark storm cloud.